An Update!

No, the Internet is not lying to you! I REALLY updated my blog!

Been really busy lately hanging out with Steph, my new lady-friend, and planning a trip with my parents to The Nation Formerly Known as Western Samoa. Also been busy at work, but I've only ever made a few really short blog posts from there.

Anyhow, I've found lots of really cool things to do in Western like an underwater cave pool, lava tunnels, watching fire dancers, swimming with sea turtles, and much much more! And by that last one, I mean that I'm not even halfway through reading the guidebook yet.

I also got a LOT of stuff stolen from me when, as I put it on my Facebook status, my pants were stolen, along with their complete contents. I was out paddling in my bathing suit by the Yacht Club and had left my pants partially hiddend under the picnic bench where they always went. The pants, along with my wallet, keys, cell phone, and still camera were stolen. Of course I hated myself for leaving them out like that, but not as much as whoever took them.

A day or two later, that same guidebook told everyone planning a visit here to not ever, ever, ever let their on stuff out of their sight, because in Samoan culture, "stealing isn't really a sin," mostly due to communal concepts of ownership.

NOW I learn that!

Oh well, learning that now is less annoying than how in the moments right after all that stuff getting taken, the only thing that 9 out of 10 people (both Samoan and white) could do was tell me that I shouldn't have left them out, which basically just starts the self-loating phase before I'm even ready to concede that my stuff is really gone.

Where I'm from, the culture is very different. Very few people who saw a pair of pants lying there would think to steal them.¹ In fact, they'd probably think that going through another man's pants is pretty gay.

The really bad part is that this is actually the third thing that I have had stolen from me. My iPod was stolen a few months ago from my car (I think because I didn't notice that the window was stuck open, because I'm pretty good about locking it), my shoes were stolen from the Yacht Club when I accidentally left them there overnight, and now this. Perhaps the same person stole them all, and there's a Samoan kid walking around with an iPod full of loud punk music, a pair of shoes that don't fit him, and a really worn-out phone with the theme from The Office as it's ringtone.²

At least now I have finally learned to keep everything behind at least five padlocks and six guard dogs³, because stuff WILL get stolen here. It's probably a good thing that I couldn't upadate this blog for so long, because without some time to cool off, I'd be talking about how I feel like I'm on an island full of kleptos. But I'd never say nor imply that, not even in the slyest indirect manner. Nope, nope, nope.

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On a completly unrelated note, I was saddened to learn of a recent celebrity passing. One who moved us all on many occasions. Yes, Billy Mays, the infomercial guy and star of the Discovery Channel's Pitchmen died today at age 50. Love him or hate him, her was a great salesman, which is apparently really, really important in my industry. Here is the best tribute YouTube has to offer, a gangsta rap remix.



I also want to share this great Fark posting, which I had planned on tellin Mays about after I become a Hollywood bigshot and meet him.

First poster: "Billy Mays is an underappreciated genius. He could read the phonebook, and I would find it amusing."

Second poster: "BILLY MAYS HERE FOR THE WHITE PAGES! LOOK, ARE YOU TIRED OF SEARCHING THROUGH COUNTLESS ROLODEX CARDS LOOKING FOR PHONE NUMBERS? TIRED OF LOOKING THROUGH COMPUTER FILES, PAPER FILES, EVEN THROUGH OLD MATCHBOOK COVERS OR BUSINESS CARDS? WELL THEN LOOK NO MORE!

WITH THE WHITE PAGES YOU GET MEN'S NAMES! WOMEN'S NAMES! YOUNG PEOPLE'S NAMES! SENIOR CITIZEN'S NAMES! EVEN FOREIGN NAMES! AND IT'S ALL ARRANGED ALPHABETICALLY! WHAT COULD BE EASIER?

AND IF YOU CALL RIGHT NOW, IN ADDITION TO THE WHITE PAGES, WE'LL INCLUDE THE YELLOW PAGES ABSOLUTELY FREE! HUNDREDS UPON HUNDREDS OF PAGES OF NAMES AND NUMBERS OF BUSINESSES YOU WANT TO TALK TO, ALSO ARRANGED ALPHABETICALLY BY BUSINESS TYPE! YOU WANT A CHINESE TAKE OUT? BOOM! RIGHT THERE! YOU NEED A PROCTOLOGIST? BAM! HERE'S A DOZEN OF THEM RIGHT AT YOUR FINGERTIPS... AND THIS BOOK IS AVAILABLE AT NO ADDITIONAL COST TO YOU!

AND IF YOU CALL IN THE NEXT TEN MINUTES, WE'LL ALSO INCLUDE THE GOVERNMENT PAGES! THAT'S RIGHT, RIGHT AT THE BEGINNING OF THE BOOK, YOU'LL GET A COMPLETE LIST OF GOVERNMENT SERVICE PHONE NUMBERS -- FEDERAL, STATE, AND LOCAL! -- WITHOUT THE EMBARRASSMENT OF ACCIDENTALLY CALLING 9-1-1 FOR NON-EMERGENCIES!

SO RIGHT AT YOUR DOOR, YOU GET THE WHITE PAGES, THE YELLOW PAGES, AND THE GOVERNMENT PAGES! A $199 VALUE, FOR ONLY $19.95 PLUS SHIPPING! CALL NOW!"

¹Also, in the mainland there would have been lockers to store things in and an adequate number of parking spaces, so that I could have parked nearby and kept my stuff in my car, but that's just me feeling bitter.

²If you see him, you have my permission to hurt him.

³This part is easy. Dogs are really plentiful here.